He’s been warded for more than a month and just when he looked seemingly better during my last visit on Sunday, he underwent emergency surgery a few evenings ago and was transferred to the ICU.

Dad does not seem optimistic about Grandpa’s condition. Grandpa is not able communicate right now – He tried to write something on paper but he couldn’t open his eyes. 

It is very saddening to see someone degenerate before your eyes. Having sorted our family album, with Grandpa toasting yum seng at my parents’ wedding, or with my toddler self, and here we are looking at thin and frail old man, bony from prolonged lack of appetite and inceasingly weak.

A lot of thoughts go through my mind when I think about what may happen in the near future. Yes, choy, but death is still unavoidable and I cannot deal with death. I suck at controlling my emotions and tear thinking about it.

I had wanted to take a picture of his those thin hands that used to write beautiful Chinese characters, and wield his cigarettes, but I’ll probably get chided by the elders, right? 

Will be popping by the hospital tomorrow.


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